grace

sometimes after i finish writing a blog entry, i look back over it and think....WOW... did I really write that?  i was talking to robert about it the other night and i was telling him that i was worried that i was being proud of the words that i was writing.  so i prayed about it that night, and after i did the Holy Spirit told me that it was ok for me to be a little proud of it because the words are not really coming from me.  God is telling me what to say, or rather, he is giving me a road map that will get his message across.  that may sound strange but let me explain how this process works for me....



throughout my day things pop into my head... conversations that i have had... experiences that i have been through... things that i have read... you know how it is, the brain never stops running.  every once and awhile when i get a thought the Holy Spirit tells me... "hang on to that one!"  sometimes its a little story, sometimes its a verse,  and sometimes it is only a word that doesnt even make any sense to me.... like the title of this enrty.  but ive learned that when i get that message from Him i need to pay attention. 

what happens next is this.  when the Holy Spirit moves me, i sit down at my computer and start to write.  but before i do that i pray.  i ask God to use me as a vessel to spread His word.  i dont exactly know what happens next, but the words just come.  it is almost as if all of those thoughts or memories that the Holy Spirit told me to hold on to are little points on a connect the dots puzzle.  i dont know how they are all going to connect together... but i know that they are all important... and i know that if i start to connect those dots with my words i will eventually get a beautiful picture.  its almost as if God is saying to me... if you your words to hit these points, my message will get through. 

i was explaining this to pastor dave the other day while we were waiting for a pot of coffee to finish brewing.  big shocker there... me waiting on coffee.  ;)  i was telling him how much i am enjoying writing it, and  i also told him that i think writing this blog is going to be good for me because it will help hold me accountable. 

you see, i know that when i put my words and stories out there for everyone to see, i also put myself out there for everyone to judge.   i am also well aware of the fact that people are not just judging me (which is fine by me), but they are also forming opinions about Christianity based on how i live my life (which is a little tougher for me to deal with).

just to let you know, i realize that i dont have a million people reading this blog... i probably only have 20, and most of those people are friends and family. :)  but coming from my background... i am acutely aware that there might be one, or even several, people out there that i interact with on a regular basis who are reading this blog...  who might not be saved... and  i feel like it is my responsibility to show those people not only what it means to lead a Christian life to the best of my ability.... but i also want to show them the fruit, and comfort and beauty that comes from having a close walk with Christ.

i understand that being a perfect Christian is an impossible task.  i know that.  so far the only person that has been able to do it is Jesus... and praise God for that! (well, He was Jewish... but i know yall are picking up what im putting down here)  but my challenge to myself and to you is this...  i WANT to be held accountable.  if you see me acting in a way that is not in accordance with how Christ wants us to live... i want you to call me on it.  this is important to me because i want people (especially non-believers) to be able to see that not all Christians act like they are holier than thou...that we can be humbled... that we can change our ways.... but most importantly that through Christs grace... we can be forgiven!

since i started writing this blog i have gotten many powerful and eloquent emails and facebook comments thanking me for writing my story.... telling me that my words (Gods words) make them want to have a closer walk with Christ.  i appreciate and am humbled by all of these kind sentiments.  they mean more to me than you know because it shows me that the Holy Spirit is speaking to you through my words... and that is so awesome to me. i feel like the emails and posts that people have sent me are the beginnings of the fruit of this little blog... and i give all of the credit for that to God.... i see Christ moving in the people around me and i am starting realize that this is the reason that God called me to write... He wants not only me... but all of the people who read this blog...to spread His word... to draw others closer to Him.
 
so my challenge to you, dear readers, is this... if my blog moves you... if the Holy Spirit is speaking to you through my words.... i challenge you to live YOUR life out loud for Christ the way i am trying to... be accountable... but also remember that you are not perfect... you will mess up... and when you do you will be forgiven.  dont be ashamed of your love for Him, but rather, shout that love through your words and actions....  spread His word in the way that He calls you to.... and through God you will start to bear fruit too.