God Stuff

hello all-

hopes this finds everyone well after the holidays.  i know i am sure glad that they are over.  too much stress for me.  :)  the kids and i started back to school today... and while it was a rough morning getting everyone ready to go, i am glad to be getting back into our routine. 



sorry it has been awhile since i have posted, but i have some big God stuff going on right now.  one of the reasons pastor dave wanted me to start this blog is so that i would have a  place to ask/discuss some of the questions that i am having as a new Christian.  i really hope that anyone who is reading this will feel free to comment/message me because i do have some questions for yall.

lets see... where do i start really?  i guess all of you know how excited i was for Christmas. ... i had been on this huge spiritual high since i was saved and i thought Christmas was just going to be this life changing experience for me.  i was kind of expecting some sort of revelation to come to me that would sort of cement all of my emotions into place... i dont know if that makes any sense to you, but i guess i was expecting to be very moved by the experience.... and i wasnt.  i mean i WAS moved... but it wasnt this earth shattering thing that i had built it up to be.  i was a little disappointed... and maybe thats bad... but its just how i felt.

well because of that i started feeling kind of down and sort of stopped reading the word and soon i felt like my faith was slipping away little by little... and before i knew it i was really having these strong doubts about everything that i had been through...and that just made my head spin because, like i said, i had been on such a high for the past two months.

well, i ran into dave at church last week and expressed a little bit of this to him... he told me that everyone gets let down every once and awhile, but its all part of Gods plan.  talking to him made me feel better for a little while, but by that evening i was totally hysterical about the situation.  so i sent dave this email telling him my feelings, and asking him what to do.

he wrote me back telling me to relax.  he explained that my spirit was malnourished because i hadnt been reading the word and praying for myself.  he told me to look up Romans 10:17 and to then read Ephesians, Colossians, and Galatians.  (yall should read them if you havent.... they are really powerful!)  i was so excited to have some direction that i did just that, and something pretty cool happened.  i explained it all in this email back to him. 

so after all of that i was super excited because i felt like i was back on track.  everything was going good.  i was not just reading... but inhaling the word for at least an hour or two each day for the next few days.  i was so excited to get back to church and be a part of the fellowship that we have there.  i felt like being back at church would just round everything back out.... everything would be back to status quo.  but the second i walked through the doors i realized that the one thing i had been looking forward to all week... the fellowship... was the thing that i didnt want once i got there.  dont get me wrong... it was great to see everyone, but i didnt want to have to discuss God with them.  i dont know if that makes any sense either, but again... its just how i felt. 

dang... i know this is getting really long.... but i guess it all comes down to this.  ever since sunday i have just been feeling down.  i have been having a lot of doubts still... and i still feel disappointed... angry even... at how things seem to be going.  i knew this walk was going to be a rough one for me... but these swings are just about to make me crazy... and i dont know what to do.  i love being on that high.  i love being so positive... so full of faith... and i want that all the time... but i am beginning to wonder if i am always going to be this pendulum that swings from one side to the other so rapidly and strongly.   i am to the point where either i just feel numb to the whole situation... or im in tears over it.  all i know to do is read the word and pray on it... but its exhausting.  

so i guess after all of that, my questions for you readers (if i still have any left ;)) are as follows... are these swings normal? will i ever level out and find some sort of happy medium? how do you deal with disappointment or that let down feeling that you get when things dont go how you want them to?  any answers to these questions...or responses to anything i wrote are welcome...  would love some insight from some of my friends who have been through this kind of thing... feel free to message me here, on facebook, or at my personal email at... amandadrackett@att.net. 

thanks everyone for hangin in till the end there   :)  take care.

a